Discipleship is Not About Control

Two weeks ago, I introduced the framework of relationship and responsibility as the twin pillars around which Jesus is already discipling us. ¹

Through the real events of our lives (which we have called kairos moments), Jesus is always inviting his followers deeper into relationship with himself and others, and challenging us to go further into the responsibility of our kingdom assignment. And, in major life transitions and big kairos moments, he’s usually doing both at the same time!

Today, I want to dive deeper into the reality that Jesus is already discipling us, but that he’s primarily doing it through other people. We are discipled by Jesus in the context of whatever local kingdom community God has called us to. Jesus is always at work shaping us, forming us, growing us, and teaching us if we will have ears to listen — to repent and believe (Mark 1:15).

And he uses others we are in relationship with to do this!

Unfortunately, discipleship has a messy reputation in the church today. On one hand, it seems that every church has a different definition of what discipleship means. For some, it is a course that we take, for others, it is implied that it’s happening without any real intentionality, and still for others, it is seen exclusively as a one-on-one mentoring relationship. Even worse, many of us bear scars from words like “discipleship” being used as code words for what was actually manipulation and even spiritual abuse. It can be hard to trust a word like “discipleship” again when it has been used to control us!

The reality is that none of these even comes close to the whole-life reorientation around the priorities of the kingdom of God that Jesus taught his disciples over the course of three years. A four-week course on a Sunday morning almost seems laughable compared to the journey that Jesus takes his disciples on over the course of the Gospel narratives, and control and manipulation do not even come close to the tender-hearted kindness that Jesus demonstrates to his disciples, even as he challenges them into further kingdom responsibility.

Jesus’ commission is clear: we are to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19).

As Dallas Willard has famously said:

What does it look like to have a vision of discipleship that captures the fullness of what Jesus walked through with the 12, the incarnational whole-life reorientation towards spiritual family that Paul called the early churches to, and that is saturated with kingdom empowerment rather than manipulative control?

I want to suggest that it comes with the calibration of these two pillars: relationship and responsibility.

1. Discipling cultures empower others to live more fully in relationship with God and with others.

The idea that we are first and foremost called to relationship with God can be seen in the biblical metanarrative of humanity’s call to be priests — from Adam and Eve’s original responsibility to host God in the Garden of Eden to the declaration in Revelation that we have been made a kingdom of priests (Revelation 1:6), humanity’s highest and truest call is to love God with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strengths, and to love our neighbor as our self.

This is captured in Jesus’ initial discipleship invitation — “Follow me” — to which the original disciples respond by entering into a dynamic relationship with their new rabbi and by joining the new kingdom family that he is building.

Healthy discipleship looks like empowering people to step into more authentic relationship with Jesus, and empowering them to step more deeply into healthy community. Healthy discipling cultures seek to create environments in which spiritual and relational vitality are the norm, encounters with God are frequent, conflict is stewarded in healthy and appropriate ways, and there is a commitment to equip people to hear the voice of God for themselves and to work towards flourishing community relationships.

Unfortunately, this can be perverted when those purporting to practice kingdom discipleship instead wield a counterfeit, and either seek to become the mediator of God’s voice to those they are leading, or seek to cut off those they are leading from healthy relationships rather than cultivate their flourishing.

The best disciplers understand that Jesus is already discipling those they are leading, and they view their role as helping others to hear what God is already speaking to them and to respond. There can also be a need to bring appropriate challenge or calibration if someone is, for instance, hearing God in unhelpful, incorrect, or inaccurate ways, or if their relational patterns are not healthy. But when a challenge is brought, is the primary motivation to empower someone to step more authentically into relationship with God and others, or is it seeking to control the outcome?

Today, perhaps you can ask yourself: how am I helping those I am leading to step more fully into relationship with God for themselves and more fully into healthy relationships? Have I viewed my leadership more as pushing people to “do more” rather than to “be with God” more?

2. Discipling cultures empower others to step more fully into their kingdom assignment.

The idea that we are called to partner with God and step more fully into a kingdom assignment as we mature aligns most closely with the biblical metanarrative of humanity’s call to be kings — from when Adam and Eve are given a commission to have dominion over the earth to the picture in Revelation of humanity co-ruling and co-reigning with God in the kingdom of heaven.

Dallas Willard has said that our primary posture in this life is “training for reigning” — we are learning how to steward whatever kingdom God has given us as part of our original call to have dominion, and our ultimate call to co-rule and co-reign with God in heaven.

Our kingdom is any place that God has delegated us authority — our houses, our relationships, our finances, our jobs, our businesses, and on and on. Whatever we have been given authority over, we have a task and a responsibility to partner with God in that space — to bring heaven to earth!

Healthy discipleship looks like empowering people to step into more authentic responsibility in the kingdom of God. A vision of discipleship that is primarily about teaching people content or even equipping people with spiritual practices might be helpful, but it is not the full picture of Jesus’ promise to his original disciples that he would make them fishers of men. Healthy discipling cultures seek to create environments in which challenge is celebrated, the kingdom of God is advanced, and people are equipped to step more fully into a sense of kingdom responsibility.

Unfortunately, this can also be perverted as unhealthy leaders can create cultures where high challenge gives way to frequent burnout or the turnover of people, or, even worse, when leaders see others as an extension of their personal kingdom assignment (read: as tools to use rather than people to love) rather than as unique disciples of Jesus with their own callings to cultivate.

The best disciplers understand that Jesus is already discipling those they are leading, and they view their role as helping others to step more fully into their authority in the kingdom of God. In an age of the church where challenge is suspect and strong leadership can often be seen as unsafe leadership, more than ever, leaders in the body of Christ need to learn from the best leader of all time, Jesus, who is the best at challenging people to grow in their sense of kingdom responsibility so that they can healthily challenge those they are leading.

Today, perhaps you can ask yourself: how am I helping those I am leading to step more fully into their authority in the kingdom of God? Am I afraid to give healthy challenge?

I know that the content today is more leadership-oriented than my normal prayer devotionals. If this is helpful to you, I would love to know!

Best,
Ryan

P.S. We made a prayer journal! If you haven’t yet, we’d love to invite you to come alive and live in love with Jesus through a 30-day journey of growing in confidence in hearing God’s voice. Check it out at restlessheartsrestingplaces.com/store.

1  These words are not my own: I have been helped by the thinking of both Dallas Willard and Mike Breen, both of whom have used these categories to talk about the call of humanity to become both priests and kings in the biblical storyline.