I Am the Voice

One of my favorite models of emotional health in the Bible is John the Baptist.

Perhaps the wild prophet who lives in the desert, dresses in camel’s hair, and whose diet consists of locusts and honey doesn’t strike you as a model of high EQ, but consider this passage from John 1:

Put simply, John knows who he is and isn’t — and isn’t afraid to communicate it.

“I am not the Messiah.”

“I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness.”

Now, if our model of emotional health is simply about social etiquette and niceties, perhaps John still doesn’t strike us as one who we might go to for advice about our emotional life.

But if our model of emotional health is someone who can fully step into their God-given design and call with confidence while remaining connected to those around them, perhaps John has much to teach us.

If we look closely, John can communicate who he is and who he is not to people who are placing their own personal expectations on him. (“Are you the Messiah? Are you the one we are hoping will save us?”)

John isn’t afraid to let them down. He isn’t people-pleasing. For anyone who has ever had expectations placed on them by others…this is hard to do! It is far easier to lose heart and acquiesce or to behave narcissisticly and cut off from others for our sense of self-preservation.

Remaining confident and connected is hard emotional work indeed.

For years, the field of family therapy has referred to a concept called differentiation of self. Put simply, this refers to one’s ability to communicate personal values and goals while remaining connected to others. It’s a balance of clarity and connection.

We can understand this most by looking at our families of origin. For some of us, we grew up in families that prioritized connection over individuality. Kids growing up in these homes are often expected to deny, change, or minimize aspects of themselves for the sake of connection to the family. This can lead to challenges in adulthood like having a difficult time standing up for oneself or setting goals and moving forward in life.

Others grew up in families that prioritized individuality. Kids growing up in these homes perhaps grew up being comfortable with differences between themselves and their family of origin, but never (or rarely) experienced any real sense of emotional closeness. This can lead to a whole other range of challenges in adulthood, such as a sense of disconnection from one’s heart or an inability to form close bonds with others.

The extreme of emotional closeness is enmeshment and codependency. Again, we can all be tempted to this extreme, when it’s too hard to be the “different” one in the group, when the part of us that wants to belong takes over and we believe we have to sacrifice our values, gifts, or difference to belong to the group. It’s easier to change or bend our values or goals to fit in instead of being the one that creates anxiety in the group by being different.

The extreme of individuality is narcissism, where an individual cuts off all care, compassion, and emotional closeness to others for the sake of independence. If we’re honest, we can all be tempted to this extreme, especially in times when others are making us anxious and the pressure to be close is too much — it can be easier to leave the relationship.

Family therapists would tell us that emotional health is about managing the tension and the natural anxiety that comes when we navigate between the poles of individuality and closeness.

And, because this is a devotional about prayer and not psychotherapy, I would like to add that our ability to healthily manage this tension comes from the depth of our prayer life, including:

• our ability to let God “father” us in community in ways our family of origin couldn’t

• learning how to abide in God’s love and peace instead of being constantly reactive to the anxiety of the people and circumstances around us

• doing the hard work of discernment to name what exactly God has called us to do and where he has called us to go

What we see in John the Baptist is a man who lives this. He is clear about his goals, values, and purpose while remaining connected to others who pressure him to be who they want him to be. (I am eternally grateful for Pete Scazzero’s Emotionally Healthy Leadership podcast for pointing out this connection — any misunderstandings and misattributions are entirely mine and not his!)

Hardships, pressure, disagreements, and relational conflicts are all, ultimately, God’s invitation to us to go on this journey of differentiation — how can the pressure of this moment or relationship help me to love God by stepping into who God made me to be by clarifying my God-given values and goals, and help me to love others by stepping even closer to those I am in conflict with?

Perhaps you are in a conflict right now, or in a community, family, team, or job you feel like you don’t quite fit into, and you’re feeling tempted to either cut off your connection to them or to move closer by sacrificing parts of yourself that God never meant you to sacrifice.

As I hope we can see, our ability to differentiate is deeply rooted in the depth of our life with God.

I want to offer these questions based on John 1 to help you clarify who God made you to be in whatever relational challenge you happen to be in. Consider picking one today and reflecting deeper:

1. Is there a relationship you are presently in where God’s invitation might be for you to differentiate — to clearly communicate a difference in order to move closer?

2. Who are others expecting you to be in this season? What labels or expectations have been putting pressure on you outside of the person God has asked you to be or the role God has asked you to fulfill? Is there anything or anyone you need to say “I am not” to?

3. John clearly says “I am not.” Is there anyone that you are afraid to say “no” to? Why are you afraid to say “no”? (If you’re in a position of power in a relationship — i.e. a boss, parent, pastor, board member, older sibling, etc. — is there anyone who might be afraid to say “no” to you?)

4. What is a value that you hold that is perhaps different from the community or family you are in? Is there anyone you need to communicate this difference to?

5. What is a value that you hold that is similar to or the same as the community or family you are in?

6. John clarifies his sense of calling and vision for his life in a sentence — “I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness.” Could you write out your own “I am” statement — if maybe not for your life, for this season?

7. John bases his “I am” statement on an Old Testament Scripture — are there perhaps Scriptures that have helped shape your sense of identity and call?

8. John can also clarify his sense of his life’s mission in a sentence — “I baptize with water.” Could you similarly state your mission — in a sentence, what you are here to do in this life or this season?

9. Is there anyone you’ve been tempted to cut off from because of difference and the anxiety that creates, that perhaps God is inviting you to move closer to?

I hope these questions are helpful to you! If I can pray for you in any way, please don’t hesitate to hit “reply” to this email and let me know!

-Ryan

P.S. It is one of the greatest joys of my life to help people come alive and live in love with Jesus, especially by waking up to the continual conversation we get to enjoy with God. Our team is working on creating some beautiful prayer resources this year, starting with a daily prayer journal designed to help you grow in your ability to hear God’s voice. Please consider becoming a founding partner with us to receive every resource we create in 2025 completely free!